FAQs: A Beginner's Guide to AA
A few things to help you from being totally clueless when you walk into an AA meeting.
Hiya readers! Two weeks ago, I wrote about how I located my first Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) meeting and promised to write “A Beginner’s Guide to AA” next. As I thought about what information was important to pass on to people who are considering … maybe … walking into an AA meeting, it seemed like a Frequently Asked Questions format might be the easiest way to approach the topic.
But first, a brief backstory:
In my first AA meeting, the women passed around a basket. I was raised Catholic, so I knew what to do when a basket was placed before me. I rummaged around my purse, pulled out whatever cash I could find, about $13, and shoved the crumbled money into the basket. I found out later that I was only expected to contribute $1. (By the way, I usually contribute $2-5 dollars per meeting today. Inflation!)
I felt stupid when I learned I was only supposed to put in $1. I often felt that way in those early days. It was like everyone spoke a different language or had a secret handshake that I didn’t know. I don’t like feeling like an idiot; I imagine no one does.
So, where do you go when you need to learn something? Nowadays, Google or Chat GPT, but back then, I went to the library. Yes, the LIBRARY!
Newly sober, I took my raw, fidgety self to the local library to research recovery. I searched the computer for books and found Undrunk: A Skeptics Guide to AA by A.J. Adams. I remember how embarrassed I felt when I checked it out of the library, worried that the librarian was judging me. I can hear my sponsor’s voice in my head: “Believe me, Liz, that librarian has seen much worse things than an alcoholic. Plus, no one is thinking about you!”
That book was an amazing resource. It explained the meanings of the different sayings and rituals. I still didn’t feel like an expert, but I knew enough to not feel like an idiot.
I will forever be grateful to that author for speaking openly about something people are hush-hush about. It’s one of the reasons I write about recovery. These books helped me, and I want to pass on what I have been given. (Read more about recovery memoirs or recovery on the screen.)
So, without further ado, here are some answers to questions you might have if you’re interested in going to an AA meeting.
Frequently Asked Questions (& Their Answers) About AA Meetings
Q: How do I find AA meetings?
A: There’s an App! For more detailed information, see my previous post, “Find a Meeting, Find Hope.”
Q: I see a list of descriptors (“Closed,” “Open,” “Step,” etc.) in the meeting-finder app. What do they mean?
A: Different meetings have different formats and offer different services. Here is a brief overview:
Open vs Closed
Closed (C)—Closed meetings are for AA members only or for those who have a drinking problem and have a desire to stop drinking. Or anyone who doesn’t want to drink today. Oftentimes, in closed meetings, the attendees will introduce themselves.
Open (O)—Open meetings are available to anyone interested in AA. Nonalcoholics or family and friends may attend open meetings. Students from the nearby college sometimes show up at my open homegroup1 meeting to do research for a class. An open meeting might be the best place to start if you’re nervous about introducing yourself.
Speaker / Discussion / Step / Big Book Study
Discussion—At discussion meetings, one member briefly shares their experience, strength, and hope before opening the meeting for others to share.
Speaker—At speaker meetings, one or two people share their stories in greater detail for a longer period of time. The meeting may or may not then be opened for others to share. My homegroup is an open speaker meeting. There is no discussion. You sit back and listen.
Step Meetings—At step meetings, the Twelve Steps of AA are discussed in depth. Typically, one step is focused on in each session, usually on a weekly basis. Attendees are encouraged to discuss their current step work, including their struggles, successes, and insights.
Side note: My first AA meeting was a women’s step meeting. I thought it was so fortuitous that they were discussing Step One at my first meeting. Many years later, I realized they weren’t on Step One. They took one look at my terrified, red, puffy eyes and silently agreed to talk about Step One for the obvious newbie. I love AA.
Big Book Meetings—The Big Book is a nickname for AA’s handbook Alcoholics Anonymous. In Big Book meetings, participants study the principles behind AA, and the discussions center around excerpts from the book. Don’t worry if you don’t have your own Big Book; they have extras!
Side Note: Most meetings sell AA literature. If you don’t have the money to purchase one, they’ll give it to you for free.
Demographic-Specific—There are some demographic-specific AA meetings, such as Men’s Only, Women’s Only, LGBTQ+ friendly, Spanish-speaking, etc. My homegroup offers an American Sign Language (ASL) interpreter via Zoom for the hearing impaired.
Q: Do I have to raise my hand and say my name and that I’m an alcoholic?
A: No. No one has to introduce themselves in open meetings, so you can sit there and not say a peep. Of course, you’re not going to get help that way, so I don’t recommend it. But if you want to come to see what it’s all about, you can.
In most closed meetings, the group does introduce themselves. BUT you don’t have to say you are an alcoholic. You can just say, “I’m (state your name), and I don’t want to drink today.”
You can also just grunt or cry and no one will bat an eye. We’ve all been there and we are just happy you’ve joined us!
Q: If I do want help, what should I do?
A: Newbies to AA are encouraged to raise their hands and introduce themselves by saying, “Hi, I’m XX, this is my first meeting,” or I have X days sober.” Be prepared for the onslaught of people coming up to you after the meeting asking for your number. We want to help. Actually, helping you is one of the Twelve Steps.
Q: What does “counting days” mean?
A: When you are new to AA, you are encouraged to raise your hand, introduce yourself, and tell us how many days sober you have. This isn’t to embarrass you, but so that we know you're new, and we can introduce ourselves and get your number after the meeting. You are encouraged to do this for the first 90 days of your sobriety.
Side note: I remember hating raising my hand and saying my day count in every meeting. But I was told it was one of the things I should do to get sober. And I did want to get sober, so I did it. Funny enough, I started to like it. I got a boost when everyone clapped for me. I missed it when I hit 91 days and didn’t have to raise my hand anymore.
Q: What’s with the clapping?
A: Yeah, AAers like to clap. I don’t know why. Just embrace it; it’s fun.
Q: I hear people say don’t “cross-talk.” What does that mean?
A: In Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), cross-talk is when a person speaks directly to another person instead of the group as a whole or when they interrupt or question someone who is speaking. Cross-talk can also include giving advice to someone who has already shared their story or making comments about someone else's experience. It's generally considered offensive and is discouraged. Just talk about your own experience; don’t comment on others.
Actually, this is good life advice. Don’t cross-talk. Don’t comment or have an opinion about someone else’s experience especially if you’ve never had that experience!
Q: Is there a fee to attend a meeting? What’s with the basket? What do they do with the money collected?
A: AA meetings are free. A basket is passed around, and you are encouraged to put in a few dollars if you can. Back in the day, it was only $1, as that’s probably how much one drink cost. You should give according to your financial situation. Some people may give more, and some may give less or nothing at all. Like I said, I usually give around $2-5 per meeting.
Where does the money go? It’s used to pay rent, coffee, cookies, Zoom fees, etc. Any extra money is donated to AA’s General Service Office (GSO). AA does employ some people. For example, GSO pays the ASL translator at our meeting.
Q: Whoa! This is a lot of information. I’m overwhelmed!
A: Yes, that’s enough information for now. Remember, we were all new once, so we know exactly how you feel when you sheepishly walk or get dragged into a meeting.
One of the best things you can do is find and go to a beginner’s meeting. In those meetings, you’ll get a rundown of AA and what to do to stay sober. But actually, it’s pretty simple:
Don’t drink and go to meetings.
There is SO much more I could tell you, like what’s the deal with the placards at the meetings, and why is the “Think, Think, Think” one upside down? But I’ll save all that for another post.
Disclaimer: To err is human. Please excuse any typos or grammatical errors. I employ Grammarly, but mistakes happen. In this world of AI, they're my way of keeping things delightfully human.
Homegroup is the meeting I attend every week, the one I don’t miss. It’s where I celebrate my sober anniversaries.
ok it just says Think, in my case Look
i dont get the photo??? why is it upside down, does it say Think Thuny Things is that part of the meaning, or joke?